Instead of Comparing Yourself to Other Writers, Do This Instead
Choose productivity over stagnation.
When I see a new author in the headlines, I can’t help but do the following. Google their name, find out their birth year, and then do the math to see how much older or younger they are than me. If they’re older, I tell myself I have that many years to get to where they are. If they’re younger, I tell myself I am that many years behind.
A toxic habit
Like many people, I have the toxic habit of comparing myself to other people. It’s unproductive, and it’s harmful.
It’s harmful because instead of celebrating other people’s successes, my first thought is how can I be better than them? This line of thinking is quite toxic, don’t you think? As writers, we should lift each other up, not tear down each other.
When another author becomes successful, I should be excited about their work, and perhaps read it myself. After all, I could learn something from them.
A useless habit
Why do I always get the urge to compare myself to others? I think it is a habit I fall into when I’m feeling lost. When I have a setback, a tough day of little productivity, or receive negative feedback, I’m desperate to know where I stand in relation to the “norm.”
But if you think about it, there really is no “norm.” Sure, we’re all writers, but we all came to writing from vastly different walks of life. Unique events, people, and places in each of our lives led us to where we are today. There is no sense in comparing one’s career to another’s simply because no two careers are directly comparable.
A wasteful habit
Moreover, comparing yourself to others is energy-depleting. Intense emotions — such as the negative ones you get when you compare yourself with someone else — can make it difficult to focus and get things done.
Does seeing a more successful, younger author, and feeling bad as a result make me want to drop everything and write myself? Of course not. It makes me want to curl up and ruminate in a soup of negative thoughts. It takes me away from the writing desk.
When I finally understood this, I realized comparison was not only bad for my mental health and mood, it was keeping me from doing the very thing I wanted to do.
Stop comparing and do something that brings you joy
These days, I try to break the cycle before it even starts.
I see a successful writer, a younger writer, knocking success out of the park. Instead of going down the path of doing math around our ages, I pause and think. I take a moment to acknowledge this writer’s success, and then I move on.
I go write something instead.
Something that brings me joy. (After all, it was the joy of writing that brought me to this career choice, wasn’t it?) These days, writing that gives me joy is the novel I’m working on. It’s fun, it’s light, and it brings me joy when I see my word count numbers rising up and up as I type out more pages.
By writing something I genuinely enjoy writing, I remember why I chose writing as a career in the first place. I remember that it is the very act of writing, of storytelling, of expressing myself, that makes me smile. Not six-digit book deals and thousands of Twitter followers.
Soon, I forget that I was comparing myself to someone more successful than me.
I might return to the writer with a clearer, less biased mind. Actually look up what they wrote, and if it interests me, I shelve it to the to-read list on my Goodreads.
Remember what you’re here to do
Look, a little competition is okay. It can be motivating in small doses. And there’s no way to completely avoid seeing the success of others. You will run into people who are ahead of you. It’s okay, it’s normal, and it’s an inevitable fact of life.
But you do have the power to choose how you react to comparison-triggers. You can go down the unproductive route and spend the rest of the day kicking yourself.
You can go down another unproductive route and find out everything you can about your comparison-victim that cheapens their success. Ah, they went to an elite private school, so of course they’re more successful than you! They got stuff handed to them, definitely.
But you can simply let go of your toxic urge to compare, accept that this individual has achieved something great, and go about your own life. Bob is successful. Good for Bob. Now let’s get back to work.
Back to basics
Doing this mental reframing exercise has made me a happier writer. It has also brought me back from the wrong path. I think many of us writers, at some point, are lured down the path of writing for success. We want the six-digit book deal, the many Twitter followers, the adoring fans. We want to be famous and influential.
And then we realize that wanting this — and comparing ourselves to the writers who have this — makes us miserable. It also takes away our authenticity as writers. We are no longer writers who write for the sake of writing but write for the sake of fame and fortune.
So let’s go back to the basics of why we write. And do some writing today.
Hello! My name is Charmaine and I am a Canadian writer residing on unceded Coast Salish territories (otherwise known as Vancouver, BC). If you liked this piece, you may like these recent pieces too: Don’t Feel Pressured to Succeed Young and Don’t Make Your Career Your Entire Identity.
