This was illuminating, thanks for writing. I'm a queer woman and I've long seen the toxic environments gay men have to deal with from a distance, though not quite understanding why. (The WLW community can be toxic too, but it's quite warm in general in my experience—at least in the spaces I've been in.)

Online dating is tough, but I think it's a necessary evil for folks on the queer spectrum because it's harder for us to find folks who match our sexualities. Knowing upfront that every face you'll see in your app may potentially be attracted to your gender takes A LOT of work off the table!

Ending with some optimism: I met my now-girlfriend of more than 3 years on Tinder. But it took a very long time. I matched with and went on dates with plenty of duds before matching with her. Weirdly, though, I was the first person she ever met on Tinder...dating is weird!